Not Amused

So here we go.

I can feel myself getting more and more angry. I know this shouldn't happen en hate myself for it. Fact is, the feeling is here and I will have to deal with it. I can't help but wonder, how did I come to be such a jealous bitch? Better question, how do I make it stop?

Not quite sure spamming online is the best idea I've had today, quite sure it is not. However, I need to get rid of this and tell it to some stranger. Let's start hoping you don't know me, that would make this easier.

Having said that,

It all started some months ago, with me browsing through my boyfriends computer. I do this a lot, and quite enjoy it. This has made me realize I'm quite the voyeur. Not ashamed of that. No problem there.
So, browsing around, hoping to find embarrassing nude pictures of some ex-girlfriend or other, I ended up in the email inbox. But I realize that is not really important right now.

What does seem to piss me off, is some "ex" of his. Not quite sure how to call her, as for the nature of the relationship they had. -Being the nosiest person alive, I of course know all the ins and outs of every relationship he's ever had.-
I can't really get around to what or why I have such issues with her. Could it be jealousy? I don't think so... Can't be about wanting to have him, I do, she doesn't. Not a problem. Can't be about looks, I don't think I'm pretty or anything - haven't found a person who hates me more than I do- but she's just fugly! I'm not the one to judge easily, but, yuck. Somehow the fact he's been with her, in her, just grosses me out. And why?! For the love of a god, why?! I am very much in search for the answer to that, yet I haven't found it. Hah, wouldn't be writing this if I had, now would I?!

Clearly being on the brink of insanity, healthy as can be!

By the by, are you cold as well? I'm bloody freezing here... Not amused.

But here I am, still pissed at this girl who doesn't even know my name. I think. I hope. I don't want her to know my name, or anything about me. Urgh.

Let's face it, I have a problem. And not a solution yet. Good side of this story; I changed the sheets on my bed, am doing laundry and tidy up the house. Which is nice, although a book and sleep would be nice too.

Bugger it. Usually writing it down helps, makes my head clear and the stress less. Not today sadly. Still bloody pissed off at some girl I don't know.

And also for some reason, I want to yell at him, as if it's his fault. Poor guy, gladly he's asleep and safe from my wrath.

I can be nasty you know...

Not sure what to write anymore either. Had really kind of hoped to feel better after spamming, instead of tired and cold. Now having to wait for the laundry before being able to sleep.


- Merping out.