Sometimes we dream. Correction, most of the time we dream, but only some times we remember. I'm not always happy to remember my dreams. Like last night. I had a dream about a boy I loved 10 years ago.
Even though it's been 10 years, he sometimes pops back into my head, making me sad. The truth is, he was right not to want anything to do with me, for I was way too young. He was 18, I was 13 at the time. Little did I know back then. I only knew I was crazy about him, my first love. And he said he loved me back, but we couldn't be together.
So we never were.
And still he's in my head, isn't is pathetic? Normally, I think I've moved on. But some days, he's back. And it's always a shock, because I never see it coming. That's the power of dream isn't it? You never know what's happening, until you wake up an think about it. In this case, I woke up confused and sad and missing him.
The dream seemed so real.
So I start day dreaming. About meeting him again, wondering if he'd know me. I know what he looks like, but I do hope he has moved on. Remembering things this way, is sometimes a blessing. I can feel the feelings that belong to a memory. I can relive everything in detail, the way I remember it.
In this case the sadness hits me like a bus.
The "what if's" flying around, wondering if it could have worked. To which I know the answer is NO of course. How could something between a 13 yr old and an "adult" ever work out? It can't. One of them is a pedophile, and the other just confused and still a child.
Today I can look back on this, think about it as an adult, and know it was the right thing he did. I just wish I understood back then, it would have saved me a lot of pain, back and and now still.
- Cinderella
